...the more they stay the same.
9 Years today. Wow.
So much in each of our lives has changed, kids going off to college, career changes, getting older...but yet we have stayed the same when it comes to us. As I've often said, it is what it is and it continues to be just that.
I still worry, I still over think things, I still stress that at some point this will end (and I know inevitably it will at some point), but for now it continues. Some things have changed. When we are together when I'm in town has turned into daytime more then night as overnights are harder (but not impossible). I see him a little more frequently but overall not significantly more. On a bit of a long stretch currently as its been since early December but will see him soon.
We are both comfortable with where it is - we don't have the day to day contact but we never go more then a few days without checking in. He has had some significant changes in his life that he is adjusting to. Mine remains pretty consistent. Not blissful at home but not miserable. The husband and I live in a comfortable togetherness. Verging on empty nest in a few years so that may bring some changes. Time will tell. I know that.
HTA continues to make me feel good about myself, I don't know where I would be without that in my life. I don't get it at home. That he continues to want me, that I turn him on, that I'm smart and funny. I don't get a lot of that at home. The sex and connection with HTA continues to be amazing. I dream about him making love to me, no one else. I dream about him fucking me, no one else. I dream about touching him, no one else. I dream about his hands, we all know I love those hands of his! I dream about just hanging out with him and the fun we have, no one else.
For a period of time, I thought it was just about sex and sought it out elsewhere and realized quickly that it was not that - its the connection we have. That is what makes this work for me.
I love him on so many levels but know at the same time that how this is, will never be more. That is just as much my decision as it would be his.
I'm looking forward to the next year, and hope maybe we can meet up in the city we met 9 years ago for an anniversary of sorts. Time will tell but again, it is what it is and I'm OK with that.
Thanks to anyone who still follows but I continue to do it for me. I'm so glad I've kept this up to have a history and memory of these last 9 years.
9 Years today. Wow.
So much in each of our lives has changed, kids going off to college, career changes, getting older...but yet we have stayed the same when it comes to us. As I've often said, it is what it is and it continues to be just that.
I still worry, I still over think things, I still stress that at some point this will end (and I know inevitably it will at some point), but for now it continues. Some things have changed. When we are together when I'm in town has turned into daytime more then night as overnights are harder (but not impossible). I see him a little more frequently but overall not significantly more. On a bit of a long stretch currently as its been since early December but will see him soon.
We are both comfortable with where it is - we don't have the day to day contact but we never go more then a few days without checking in. He has had some significant changes in his life that he is adjusting to. Mine remains pretty consistent. Not blissful at home but not miserable. The husband and I live in a comfortable togetherness. Verging on empty nest in a few years so that may bring some changes. Time will tell. I know that.
HTA continues to make me feel good about myself, I don't know where I would be without that in my life. I don't get it at home. That he continues to want me, that I turn him on, that I'm smart and funny. I don't get a lot of that at home. The sex and connection with HTA continues to be amazing. I dream about him making love to me, no one else. I dream about him fucking me, no one else. I dream about touching him, no one else. I dream about his hands, we all know I love those hands of his! I dream about just hanging out with him and the fun we have, no one else.
For a period of time, I thought it was just about sex and sought it out elsewhere and realized quickly that it was not that - its the connection we have. That is what makes this work for me.
I love him on so many levels but know at the same time that how this is, will never be more. That is just as much my decision as it would be his.
I'm looking forward to the next year, and hope maybe we can meet up in the city we met 9 years ago for an anniversary of sorts. Time will tell but again, it is what it is and I'm OK with that.
Thanks to anyone who still follows but I continue to do it for me. I'm so glad I've kept this up to have a history and memory of these last 9 years.
I took down my own blog years ago, but continue to look around from time to time to see if any of those blogs I used to follow are still posting anything.
ReplyDeleteWhen I finally connected with someone on more levels than just sex and all of a sudden the blog just didn't matter anymore. I downloaded it all, just because I wanted to keep the fiction I had posted.
I am still married, as is my lover, but we are more of a couple than either of us are with our respective spouses. My wife moved to the other side of the country (her idea) and my lover's only real connection to her husband is some real estate they both own.
I consider this a happy ending, unlike any I had expected.