Note: I pulled the last two posts from my private blog of when I saw HTA last...I thought i would post them....
First Night:
Last night was different then previous nights when I first see him. As far as he and I - just picked up like nothing had changed. Conversation was great - no awkwardness. I tend to ramble a bit at first - I need to get better at just letting it be ok when its quiet or to prompt him to talk more without my incessant questions.
I know he is under a lot of pressure....I can see the stress in his eyes and his body posture which probably was a factor in the shortest round of sex we have ever had but just him here with me for a few hours - to kiss him and feel his body on mine, I wouldn't give it up. There is almost like this shutter that goes through me when we first make physical contact and kiss or even just that first hug... ... - almost like a huge exhale of relief to have him here, with me, in whatever fashion I can have him to spend time with him. To have some actual physical contact with someone and then the physical connection I do have with him and the fact he still gives me butterflies in my stomach when I see him and in anticipation of seeing him. That part has not changed at all.
I love how sweet he is when he leaves - apologetic that it wasn't longer and sweet and always kissing me before he goes. Things I think I didn't realize how much I missed until I had them again. Tonight we have a full night - no kids, no work, nothing - really looking forward to it and some quality time and just him.
Night Two:
So now that the sick sad feeling I get after he leaves has finally dissipated and I'm no longer teary eyed wondering when I will see him next...I think I can blog about all the good things.
HTA had a meeting the last night I was there after work so I did not plan on seeing him until early evening. I touched base to check in and he responded and asked if i had eaten and if I had - to wait and he could meet me. This is a first - we generally sit in the hotel bar or are just in my room so this was something different. But yes, I can wait - I wait for 6 months for satisfying sex - I can wait a couple hours to have dinner with the man who provides me that!
I ended up meeting him at our destination which was just a locally owned place. I was there before he was and had a drink at the bar - it was really crowded so we just sat at the bar and ate and watched basketball - actually my perfect night! I love sports and the food was great and being with him in a normal situation was a bit surreal...having his hand resting on my thigh...no complaints here!
We left in our respective cars to head back to the hotel - we continued to watch the rest of the game on the couch in my room, have a few more drinks and just hang out. I can honestly say that since we first met on that trip - this is the most time I've spent with him just hanging out - not having sex, not laying in bed post sex in a stupor type daze - just hanging out. We were watching the game, just laughing and talking. It was nice.
I brought him a present - its something that didn't cost me one cent that i got through a connection I have - but he was blown away, literally speechless. And it was a pretty cool gift but I had no idea he would like it as much as he did.
In hindsight - I really don't think he is used to having someone just be nice to him....just be normal and nice. I've realized over time that he is so closed off emotionally on some levels - I really think I"m one of the first people to just be a consistent support system for him and not expect anything in return. I'm just "nice". I do it b/c actually outside of the bitch I sometimes am - deep down - I"m a nice person. I'm a people pleaser by default (and to a fault sometimes).
When the game was finally over - I turned off the TV and straddled him on the couch and kissed up the side of his neck, his ears, back down - he always smells so good - it just sets me off...he had his hands on the sides of my face while he was kissing me and i turned my face slightly and took his hand and started sucking on his index finger, then his middle finger, then his ring finger, etc... very slowly up and down while I locked eyes with him - it elicited a pretty verbal response on his part and somehow picked me up and threw me on the bed - not an easy feat I might add since I"m just about 6'0 (he's about the same height). But what a turn on - he had me pinned down on the bed with my hands above my head...both of us still fully clothed...as he kissed me, teased me, ground against me...made me beg for him.... tell him what I wanted him to do to me...it was so incredibly unbelievable. I need someone to just take charge and that he does.
Afterwords he pulled me over in his arms and we both fell asleep almost instantly - I don't think I have ever really slept when he is there..I usually am watching the clock, worried about talking in my sleep or snoring (or his snoring keeps me up), something - this time - no issues. Woke up to his alarm going off on his phone with his arms still around me and my head against his chest.....which led to an incredibly quick HOT session in bed b/c I knew he had to leave and I swear I woke up wet in anticipation.
I knew he didn't have to work that day but he had to go do something kid related so as he was getting dressed, I made a comment that he should come back after he was done as I didn't have any meetings until I left for the airport. He just laughed and didn't respond so I didn't press b/c I don't like to appear whiny or needy (which I totally am when it comes to him). He kissed me goodbye - told me to let him know I got home safely and kissed me again. I scooted over on his side of bed, turned on my side and pulled the pillow that smelled like him against my face and fell back asleep literally inhaling his scent from the pillow.
I woke up about two hours later feeling his naked warm body slide into bed behind me and his arm slide around me as I was on my side and pull me back against his chest as he starts whispering in my ear a number of VERY explicit things he was going to do to me since I "made him" come back to the hotel as he lifted my hair and kissed the back of my neck and down my shoulders. I tried to turn over but he held me in place and pretty much had his way with me in a number of ways to which I had absolutely no complaint or resistance which included a nice session to "clean up" in the shower. He had apparently taken the hotel key with him when he left the first time...sneaky and I love it.
It was a fabulous send off as I left about 2 hours later to head to the airport.... almost delirious until I do my normal post trip melt down that i described above...
The hardest thing I have to deal with is when I'm home - I realize how unhappy I am and how much I "feel" again when I'm with him. That is what I continue to try and manage on a day to day basis...its a constant effort and in the interim - just the contact i have with him on text and talking periodically on the phone is enough to keep me moving forward and not making drastic decisions that will impact my kids and life.
First Night:
Last night was different then previous nights when I first see him. As far as he and I - just picked up like nothing had changed. Conversation was great - no awkwardness. I tend to ramble a bit at first - I need to get better at just letting it be ok when its quiet or to prompt him to talk more without my incessant questions.
I know he is under a lot of pressure....I can see the stress in his eyes and his body posture which probably was a factor in the shortest round of sex we have ever had but just him here with me for a few hours - to kiss him and feel his body on mine, I wouldn't give it up. There is almost like this shutter that goes through me when we first make physical contact and kiss or even just that first hug... ... - almost like a huge exhale of relief to have him here, with me, in whatever fashion I can have him to spend time with him. To have some actual physical contact with someone and then the physical connection I do have with him and the fact he still gives me butterflies in my stomach when I see him and in anticipation of seeing him. That part has not changed at all.
I love how sweet he is when he leaves - apologetic that it wasn't longer and sweet and always kissing me before he goes. Things I think I didn't realize how much I missed until I had them again. Tonight we have a full night - no kids, no work, nothing - really looking forward to it and some quality time and just him.
Night Two:
So now that the sick sad feeling I get after he leaves has finally dissipated and I'm no longer teary eyed wondering when I will see him next...I think I can blog about all the good things.
HTA had a meeting the last night I was there after work so I did not plan on seeing him until early evening. I touched base to check in and he responded and asked if i had eaten and if I had - to wait and he could meet me. This is a first - we generally sit in the hotel bar or are just in my room so this was something different. But yes, I can wait - I wait for 6 months for satisfying sex - I can wait a couple hours to have dinner with the man who provides me that!
I ended up meeting him at our destination which was just a locally owned place. I was there before he was and had a drink at the bar - it was really crowded so we just sat at the bar and ate and watched basketball - actually my perfect night! I love sports and the food was great and being with him in a normal situation was a bit surreal...having his hand resting on my thigh...no complaints here!
We left in our respective cars to head back to the hotel - we continued to watch the rest of the game on the couch in my room, have a few more drinks and just hang out. I can honestly say that since we first met on that trip - this is the most time I've spent with him just hanging out - not having sex, not laying in bed post sex in a stupor type daze - just hanging out. We were watching the game, just laughing and talking. It was nice.
I brought him a present - its something that didn't cost me one cent that i got through a connection I have - but he was blown away, literally speechless. And it was a pretty cool gift but I had no idea he would like it as much as he did.
In hindsight - I really don't think he is used to having someone just be nice to him....just be normal and nice. I've realized over time that he is so closed off emotionally on some levels - I really think I"m one of the first people to just be a consistent support system for him and not expect anything in return. I'm just "nice". I do it b/c actually outside of the bitch I sometimes am - deep down - I"m a nice person. I'm a people pleaser by default (and to a fault sometimes).
When the game was finally over - I turned off the TV and straddled him on the couch and kissed up the side of his neck, his ears, back down - he always smells so good - it just sets me off...he had his hands on the sides of my face while he was kissing me and i turned my face slightly and took his hand and started sucking on his index finger, then his middle finger, then his ring finger, etc... very slowly up and down while I locked eyes with him - it elicited a pretty verbal response on his part and somehow picked me up and threw me on the bed - not an easy feat I might add since I"m just about 6'0 (he's about the same height). But what a turn on - he had me pinned down on the bed with my hands above my head...both of us still fully clothed...as he kissed me, teased me, ground against me...made me beg for him.... tell him what I wanted him to do to me...it was so incredibly unbelievable. I need someone to just take charge and that he does.
Afterwords he pulled me over in his arms and we both fell asleep almost instantly - I don't think I have ever really slept when he is there..I usually am watching the clock, worried about talking in my sleep or snoring (or his snoring keeps me up), something - this time - no issues. Woke up to his alarm going off on his phone with his arms still around me and my head against his chest.....which led to an incredibly quick HOT session in bed b/c I knew he had to leave and I swear I woke up wet in anticipation.
I knew he didn't have to work that day but he had to go do something kid related so as he was getting dressed, I made a comment that he should come back after he was done as I didn't have any meetings until I left for the airport. He just laughed and didn't respond so I didn't press b/c I don't like to appear whiny or needy (which I totally am when it comes to him). He kissed me goodbye - told me to let him know I got home safely and kissed me again. I scooted over on his side of bed, turned on my side and pulled the pillow that smelled like him against my face and fell back asleep literally inhaling his scent from the pillow.
I woke up about two hours later feeling his naked warm body slide into bed behind me and his arm slide around me as I was on my side and pull me back against his chest as he starts whispering in my ear a number of VERY explicit things he was going to do to me since I "made him" come back to the hotel as he lifted my hair and kissed the back of my neck and down my shoulders. I tried to turn over but he held me in place and pretty much had his way with me in a number of ways to which I had absolutely no complaint or resistance which included a nice session to "clean up" in the shower. He had apparently taken the hotel key with him when he left the first time...sneaky and I love it.
It was a fabulous send off as I left about 2 hours later to head to the airport.... almost delirious until I do my normal post trip melt down that i described above...
The hardest thing I have to deal with is when I'm home - I realize how unhappy I am and how much I "feel" again when I'm with him. That is what I continue to try and manage on a day to day basis...its a constant effort and in the interim - just the contact i have with him on text and talking periodically on the phone is enough to keep me moving forward and not making drastic decisions that will impact my kids and life.
No comments:
Post a Comment