Just when I think I have my feelings and emotions in check - he does something unexpected - he says something unexpected that sucks all those feelings to the surface despite my best efforts to squash them and compartmentalize them in a little box. .
He asked me what my finish line was with the husband -if i thought we would stay together when the kids were gone. I told him I don't know. I told him how unhappy I am at home aside from my children. Beyond unhappy. I told him that I've realized over time that I eat more, drink more and sleep more when I'm at home to block it all out. Its not a good combination. My kids are picking up on it. HTA and I had some blunt conversations that left my head spinning and it continues to spin. He really made me think about things at home and where I'm at.
I don't know why he asked - we have never really gone there before but I have also just recently started opening up to him on that topic and perhaps that is why. I try to not put too much thought into it.
And although I know he (HTA) is not the answer to whatever my decision is. He should be the last person I base anything on - it is hard. I do care about him - I do have a hard time after this last trip not thinking about "what if" on down the line. I also can't wrap my head around actually leaving my husband either. HTA also opened up on some levels to me that he has not before and said some things and implied some things which lead to the head spinning....
Sex and the passion that is there never changes -its amazing. It blows me away. He told me it blows him away - how its never bad and that almost 4 years later -its still as intense as hot as ever and how he's never had anything like this. Its become so personal - I can't even blog about it anymore. I don't know where this blog will go at the end of the day b/c what it started as and where it is now - is so different, he and I are so different and honestly I'm so different each and every time I revisit where I am with whatever this is that I have with him.
He asked me what my finish line was with the husband -if i thought we would stay together when the kids were gone. I told him I don't know. I told him how unhappy I am at home aside from my children. Beyond unhappy. I told him that I've realized over time that I eat more, drink more and sleep more when I'm at home to block it all out. Its not a good combination. My kids are picking up on it. HTA and I had some blunt conversations that left my head spinning and it continues to spin. He really made me think about things at home and where I'm at.
I don't know why he asked - we have never really gone there before but I have also just recently started opening up to him on that topic and perhaps that is why. I try to not put too much thought into it.
And although I know he (HTA) is not the answer to whatever my decision is. He should be the last person I base anything on - it is hard. I do care about him - I do have a hard time after this last trip not thinking about "what if" on down the line. I also can't wrap my head around actually leaving my husband either. HTA also opened up on some levels to me that he has not before and said some things and implied some things which lead to the head spinning....
Sex and the passion that is there never changes -its amazing. It blows me away. He told me it blows him away - how its never bad and that almost 4 years later -its still as intense as hot as ever and how he's never had anything like this. Its become so personal - I can't even blog about it anymore. I don't know where this blog will go at the end of the day b/c what it started as and where it is now - is so different, he and I are so different and honestly I'm so different each and every time I revisit where I am with whatever this is that I have with him.
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