I'm not very creative when it comes to titling a post but the long and short of it is that i never finished posting about my last night and visit with HTA.
I did see him the second night I was there and he stayed with me. I never asked if he was still dating/seeing someone. It just doesn't matter in the big scheme of things until it impacts what we have. I did open up to him about my husband - the fact that we have not had sex in so long and how he has issues. I think he was a bit shocked but I did tell him that I had never opened up on it before b/c I didn't want him to interpret it one way or the other - i.e. that I view him and what we have any differently or that its just about the sex. I told him that I prefer to keep what we have "undefined" and just go with it as long as it is a good thing for both of us including the friendship part.
I was not super sad when I left - I think its more of a hormonal let down then anything but regardless I did still feel like there are a lot of things about his life I really don't know. The shiny wrapping paper and boys as well as the pedestal I have put him on - those are definately gone.
Recently I discovered something that really threw me for a loop. I'm 99% sure about it and don't know why he has not told me but essentially - I think he has another child that does not live with him but he has regular visitation with. The kid is younger and if my guess on the age is accurate - would have been born shortly before I ever met him. Perhaps he was in denial at that point - perhaps he didn't know for sure it was his - I have no idea. In the big scheme of things there was no way he could have probably brought it up 3-4 years down the road without looking like a complete moron and he probably never thought we would still be having "this" 4 years down the road. I really have NO idea why he wouldn't tell me unless I am totally wrong. But I don't think I am. Its not something I can ask him about b/c I found it through some sleuthing (aka stalking) of my own. It also helps me understand the most recent issues he has had and why he has reacted the way he has to certain things involving his kids I do know about.
I'm sure some people wonder - WTF are you thinking? I told my friend who knows about HTA about my suspicions and her point was that nothing outside of when we are together has ever impacted me - i.e. his everyday life, so it should not matter b/c this really honestly - will never go beyond what it is now. I could see doing a weekend or something away but I don't ever see leaving my husband - I enjoy HTA's company - he makes me feel normal, he is my friend and he provides the physical aspects of all that is missing at home but at the end of the day - I could never trust him or depend on him the way I do my husband and know that he always had my back. Its truly become a friends with benefits type thing - maybe more then then average friends with benefits in that I do genuinely care for him and would be upset if this ends but not as devestated as I would have been a few years ago. This may be running its course - I don't know. I guess I will know when it happens.
I will see him soon - very much still looking forward to it - still get nervous in anticipation but he never disappoints me or lets me down in any way (emotional or physical) when I'm there so I'm not anticipating anything changing. Stay Tuned!!
I did see him the second night I was there and he stayed with me. I never asked if he was still dating/seeing someone. It just doesn't matter in the big scheme of things until it impacts what we have. I did open up to him about my husband - the fact that we have not had sex in so long and how he has issues. I think he was a bit shocked but I did tell him that I had never opened up on it before b/c I didn't want him to interpret it one way or the other - i.e. that I view him and what we have any differently or that its just about the sex. I told him that I prefer to keep what we have "undefined" and just go with it as long as it is a good thing for both of us including the friendship part.
I was not super sad when I left - I think its more of a hormonal let down then anything but regardless I did still feel like there are a lot of things about his life I really don't know. The shiny wrapping paper and boys as well as the pedestal I have put him on - those are definately gone.
Recently I discovered something that really threw me for a loop. I'm 99% sure about it and don't know why he has not told me but essentially - I think he has another child that does not live with him but he has regular visitation with. The kid is younger and if my guess on the age is accurate - would have been born shortly before I ever met him. Perhaps he was in denial at that point - perhaps he didn't know for sure it was his - I have no idea. In the big scheme of things there was no way he could have probably brought it up 3-4 years down the road without looking like a complete moron and he probably never thought we would still be having "this" 4 years down the road. I really have NO idea why he wouldn't tell me unless I am totally wrong. But I don't think I am. Its not something I can ask him about b/c I found it through some sleuthing (aka stalking) of my own. It also helps me understand the most recent issues he has had and why he has reacted the way he has to certain things involving his kids I do know about.
I'm sure some people wonder - WTF are you thinking? I told my friend who knows about HTA about my suspicions and her point was that nothing outside of when we are together has ever impacted me - i.e. his everyday life, so it should not matter b/c this really honestly - will never go beyond what it is now. I could see doing a weekend or something away but I don't ever see leaving my husband - I enjoy HTA's company - he makes me feel normal, he is my friend and he provides the physical aspects of all that is missing at home but at the end of the day - I could never trust him or depend on him the way I do my husband and know that he always had my back. Its truly become a friends with benefits type thing - maybe more then then average friends with benefits in that I do genuinely care for him and would be upset if this ends but not as devestated as I would have been a few years ago. This may be running its course - I don't know. I guess I will know when it happens.
I will see him soon - very much still looking forward to it - still get nervous in anticipation but he never disappoints me or lets me down in any way (emotional or physical) when I'm there so I'm not anticipating anything changing. Stay Tuned!!
Sounds like you have answered a lot of your own questions which is good!
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